Rocky Times

I keep restarting this blog because there's too much I want to say, not enough ways to say it, and really, all things considered, it's not exactly important whether I'm smoking or NOT at the moment.

So will bullet point - keep snappy, short and relevant to topic on hand.

• Although have been SORELY tempted in last 5 days, have not and will not smoke.  It was 5 weeks on Sunday since my last cigarette (or is it 6?  brain is addled)....
• Have experienced a few issues with Champix's much touted primary side affect, The Rage - when that happens, will only take one pill the next day.  Fortunately the only victim of The Rage has been The Husband - who really, when one thinks about it - brings it on himself
• Household has doubled in size since last Wednesday - we're fortunate enough to be able to host the McGregor family from Christchurch.  Girl child quota - DOUBLED!  Workaholic husbands - TWOFOLD!  Semi-alcoholic housewife - CLONED!  With that, the noise has doubled, our recycling bin is moaning with the extra fortified glass rubbish items, and my husband has FINALLY conceded it's time to prioritise the Kitchen Upgrade, as while it's fine with one person cooking, and 4 people's food, yeah - it's not coping so well with the extra volume.

There's been MANY laughs, a few tears, and the girls have coped well, all things considered.  The fights are declining, and the AWWWWW moments are by far outnumbering the "FAAAARKKKK MUMMIES NEEDS WINE, STAT" times....

For those that haven't and are possibly overseas, here's a link to the Christchurch earthquake donation fund:

http://www.redcross.org.nz/donate

Earthquakes, Aftershocks, FFS!

If I get through TODAY without smoking, I get a medal.

SWAY SWAY SWAY... If I lived in CHRISTCHURCH, I'd have been smoking 5 hours ago.  As it is, 2 hours south, we've rocked all day, and I am SICK SICK SICK of aftershocks.

I am STRESSED......

AND can't even have another vodka to soothe my nerves till my husband gets back from Wellington.

*WAILS*

And tomorrow is my ONE month anniversary (as in 31 days, didn't count the obvious but short 28 day anniversary)...

*WAILS AGAIN as big truck drives past*

Things I Can No Longer Do As A Non-Smoker

I type this blog entry as almost a tribute/eulogy to smoking.  Such is the mindset now, that I know I'll never smoke again, and it's got me thinking about smoking related life events - ones that I'll never be part of again.  So for the sake of closure, I shall list three of them below, in no particular order.

1. I Say Goodbye To Being an Agony Aunt
As a smoker, on the now rare times I went to an actual pub, I've literally solved the problems of whatever town I'm in.  Cigarette in hand, gesturing wildly with the other - sort of a Wise Aunty, if you will, my captive audience gets psycho-analysed and cured in a much more efficient time frame (5 minutes per smoke) than any $200 an hour psychiatrist's would charge.  Ahhh!  I was GOOD!  If I squint, I can still see the appreciation on their little wrinkle-free faces, as they ponder my gems of wisdom.  Relationships were repaired!  Drunks were Sobered! (INSTANTLY, one young chap literally RAN off in the opposite direction after a 2 minute pep talk, seemingly SOBER!) Angry looking men were SORTED-MOTHERFUCKING-OUT!   Not only will I miss this myself, generations of troubled children will also never get to hear my soothing and reassuring words.  This is a great loss to society in general, and Generation Z may never be the same.

2. I leave the Gossip Circle
Because let's face it - in the workplace, the smokers are the group that knows the Goss.  Non-smokers sometimes don't even TAKE BREAKS (Madness, MADNESS I tell you!).  And if they do, it's in packs, sitting in a communal staffroom, where they all have nothing in common, and even a "How was your weekend?" polite question and answer exchange, is heard by people PRETENDING to read the paper, but in reality, listening to every word, judging it in their head (and usually judging negatively), but having no one to gossip to about what a LOSER James in accounting is, talking about getting drunk to the CEO.  Smokers on the other hand, are so relaxed and just so GRATEFUL to be inhaling nicotine, they share EVERYTHING.  Want to know who's shagging who in the office?  Take up smoking.  The Brother and Sisterhood of Nicotine are a friendly club - one inhalation and you're IN.  When I do go to work, I'll miss that badly.

3. Getting out of situations you just Can't Be Fucked being in
Dishes due to be done at a dinner party? 
"Oh, I'll just have a smoke and be in to help"..
Fifteen minutes, three smokes and a text session later
"Oh you've DONE the dishes! SORRY - I just really needed a smoke - gosh you were QUICK!"...

Boring/Overstaying Guest wanting conversation?
"Hold that thought, I'm just gonna pop out for a smoke"
Ten Minutes later, re-enter and DELIBERATELY change the conversation or pretend you've just remembered, while smoking, you have to leave IMMEDIATELY

Anyway - Day 24 almost at an end.  And it's telling that I have to sit here and work out what day I'm up to.  The three week thing, Allan Carr talks about, is totally right - the last 3 days have been so easy.  Down to maybe 3 times a day thinking beyond a 2 second thought of smoking, and it passes. 

The pic below is only here because I found it FARKING funny - and because it represents about the amount of smokes I've NOT smoked since stopping......

What the hell, yesterday?

I felt like a heroin addict, such was the desperate need to have a cigarette for much of yesterday.  It ended, thank GOD early evening, but yeah... I was doing the furtive glance from side to side, checking out Andy and his movements (in EVERY sense, LOL, for those that remember the Poo Story), and running through what would be needed to sneak and get a packet so I couldjusthaveonequicksmokejesusCHRIST. 

Anyway, as luck would have it, my eldest sister arrived, who DOES smoke, and the urge to Sin started to leave me.  Totally disappeared by the time she'd left (after a somewhat manic roar at her, when she was kindly telling me how I didn't need one "What do YOU know?  YOU SMOKE! You don't GET to comment!"... (In jokey voice though, was not totally dysfunctional, there may have been a few drops of spittle leave my mouth, and my cheeks may have slightly mottled, but not in TOTAL Andy-style rage).  But I didn't smoke.  Came close, but didn't.  (Speaking of Andy, he's back to being nice, but also smug, in manner of Born Again Cold Turkey Ickster- "Ohhh, looksit meeeeee, I don't NEEEEED Champix"....

Anyway, when I went to take my Night pill, around 7.30pm, I realised I have missed 2 out of the last 4 tablets.  SO I suspect yesterday was due to being off the drug.  Which leads to my next question?  Am I hooked on Champix?  Am I the next Lindsay Lohen, addicted on "prescription drugs"?  (Obviously excluding the fact I'm not a redhead, otherwise we're like virtually the SAME GODDAMN PERSON)... I've taken the last 2 pills as prescribed and today I couldn't care LESS about smoking?  In fact, today's officially 3 weeks of NOT SMOKING.   So I can now add "Addicted to Champix" as a new possible blogging topic. 

OR

Addicted to Taylor Kitsch and Friday Night Lights...

The jury's out.  Thinking women should know the answer though ;)

Day 20...

But today is HAAAARRRRRRDDDDDD..... I don't know or understand WHY, but oh dear jesus, it's been tempting me all day to just sneak and get a packet and have "just the one".... I'm reasonably confident I won't - because of slippery slope etc etc, but yes.  A hard day - just when I thought I'd pretty much gotten over it.  It's been in my head since last night when I watched the final of my favourite show, and normally, I'd sit outside and have a couple of smokes in the dark, with a vodka, and think deep and meaningful thoughts about life.  And last night I was kinda, well, what do I do now? 

Worse, I know it's all in my head.  Am taking deep breaths.  Have inhaled 3 dark chocolate timtams.  Have been for walk.  Know it's silly.   Will go do something else now to keep busy.

Gah.

It's SUCH a good idea

to go cold turkey. 

Here's Andy using Champix, as you know, up until Friday night:

ANNNNND

Here's Andy, going Cold Turkey, in full Nicotine Deprivation Mode:

Suffice to say, a cold silence has descended upon our loving home in Timaru. 

I'm still not smoking though - and despite the temptation to go and GET Andy smokes today, just to SNAP HIM FUCKING OUT OF IT - he hasn't either, since Saturday night.

If I can get through this without smothering him with a pillow, not only will I be able to get through ANYTHING without smoking, I'll also likely be awarded some form of medal from like the Sainthood department. 

Two Weeks Smokefree!

For ME at least.  Andy "Cheating Bastard" husband is now on his SECOND smokefree day, and has ditched the champix, and just going cold turkey.  Why?  I have no idea.  I think he's decided it was the Champix who failed, not him, so he's trying something different.

Last night while I "calmly" told him how I was feeling (LOL), I also mentioned his parents were disappointed in him.  "WHHHHHAAATTT??" he roared, "You even told my PARENTS??", and I proudly nodded, and told him next time his boss phones, I'll be telling him too.  That I'd blogged about it, Facebooked, Tweeted and told strangers at the supermarket.   I can't have him walking round all Peacock Puffed Out Chest in nature, "oh, look at ME, I don't SMOKE", when in reality, he's a DIRTY SMOKING CHEATER.    So yes.  I think he's aware of how I feel about it, and he's learned his lesson ;-)

But TWO WEEKS!  $236 (for me only, not calculating HIS anymore) saved!  Can TASTE!  No morning cough! 

Now if only my teeth were getting whiter and my wrinkles disappearing - life would be near perfect!

Quick blog to say

My weak-willed husband SMOKED last night.  FIRST night boozing (he's at the Wellington sevens), and he broke like a cheap toy. 

*eyeroll*

Amanda and I had SEVERAL drinks and did I break?  No I DID NOT.

Men are so clearly the weaker sex.

BLOGGGGGER, what's going ON??

MOTHER FUCKER, just lost entire POST - and then had about 6 attempts copying below and pasting, before it suddenly posted...

Will NOT be re-typing. 

Summary:

• Not Smoking - each day easier
• Andy away in Sevens - will be difficult - tis boozing for first time, and has smokers in his group
• Eating like Pig - have put blankets over all full length mirrors in manner of Post Cosmetic Surgery patient on reality show
• Going to Christchurch for lots of boozing with Amanda
• Have spent all money saved so far ($170 my share) (plus Andy's share) on lovely new dress and hooker high heels.  Am totally getting into this "treating of self" and may end up worse overall financially than when smoking.

The Sun is Shining!

Don't worry - this isn't an evangelical post about a new life commencing because of the joys of not smoking - I'm just bloody stoked because we have a SUNNY DAY!  And of course, I'm still not smoking, which is great - we're on to day 9 of being non-smokers!

Haven't blogged for a couple of days, because the situation remained the same.  Appetite like grizzly bears coming out of hibernation - CHECK, increasing *ahem* moods - CHECK, but inclination to smoke - ZERO.

A couple of new ones cropping up now though - insomnia.  Yeah, I know I've said it hadn't really affected me, but two nights ago, and Murphy's Law, the night Andy had to get up at 3am to go to Sydney on one of his "Day Trips"*, we were both pretty much wide awake when his alarm went off.  Then I lay there listening to him shower and make his ablution noises - not in adoring wife manner, just to clarify, more in repulsed tired manner - and at 4am, I *think* I got to sleep.  Just so I could get an hour and a bit before Holly stormed the bedroom and announced in her dulcet** tones "It's my FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!"... Anyway, remembering my wise friend Karly's advice to TAKE ALL PILLS OF WEEKS 3 - 4, I just took my pill last night at 5pm, and had a normal night's sleep.  Unfortunately for Andy his flight was delayed at he only got home at 5am, so we're all sneaking round as quiet as we can.  Which for the girls, is not so quiet.

And my dreams the last 3 nights have all been the same.  Andy is smoking again  And rather than being jealous, of smoking myself in my dream, I am STOKED!  I feel so righteous, and judgemental - every time I tell him I get an extra $110 a week to buy more clothes.  I hope it's a premonition.  That'd be awesome, hehe.... KIDDING, his health is important, blah blah blah...

Speaking of Andy and smokes, we actually have, in our possession, a carton of smokes.  He bought one back from Sydney for a friend of ours, but it couldn't interest me less.  But surprised to see cartons are still at $56 for 10 packets, so jaysus!  Duty free smokes are a super bargain, compared to the $142 it would cost to buy them in shops.

Ok, dog to drop for his bi-annual grooming, child to drop off for her second day of school, busy BUSY day!

* Andy's "day trips" involve getting up at 3am, driving to Christchurch, flying to Sydney, having a normal day of meetings, before returning home at 3am the following morning.  Without sleeping.  Tis mad - MAD I tell you!

** Holly has the loudest voice in the world.  I refuse to believe any parent who says they have a louder child.  I have barely any hearing left at all!