What the hell, yesterday?

I felt like a heroin addict, such was the desperate need to have a cigarette for much of yesterday.  It ended, thank GOD early evening, but yeah... I was doing the furtive glance from side to side, checking out Andy and his movements (in EVERY sense, LOL, for those that remember the Poo Story), and running through what would be needed to sneak and get a packet so I couldjusthaveonequicksmokejesusCHRIST. 

Anyway, as luck would have it, my eldest sister arrived, who DOES smoke, and the urge to Sin started to leave me.  Totally disappeared by the time she'd left (after a somewhat manic roar at her, when she was kindly telling me how I didn't need one "What do YOU know?  YOU SMOKE! You don't GET to comment!"... (In jokey voice though, was not totally dysfunctional, there may have been a few drops of spittle leave my mouth, and my cheeks may have slightly mottled, but not in TOTAL Andy-style rage).  But I didn't smoke.  Came close, but didn't.  (Speaking of Andy, he's back to being nice, but also smug, in manner of Born Again Cold Turkey Ickster- "Ohhh, looksit meeeeee, I don't NEEEEED Champix"....

Anyway, when I went to take my Night pill, around 7.30pm, I realised I have missed 2 out of the last 4 tablets.  SO I suspect yesterday was due to being off the drug.  Which leads to my next question?  Am I hooked on Champix?  Am I the next Lindsay Lohen, addicted on "prescription drugs"?  (Obviously excluding the fact I'm not a redhead, otherwise we're like virtually the SAME GODDAMN PERSON)... I've taken the last 2 pills as prescribed and today I couldn't care LESS about smoking?  In fact, today's officially 3 weeks of NOT SMOKING.   So I can now add "Addicted to Champix" as a new possible blogging topic. 

OR

Addicted to Taylor Kitsch and Friday Night Lights...

The jury's out.  Thinking women should know the answer though ;)

Day 20...

But today is HAAAARRRRRRDDDDDD..... I don't know or understand WHY, but oh dear jesus, it's been tempting me all day to just sneak and get a packet and have "just the one".... I'm reasonably confident I won't - because of slippery slope etc etc, but yes.  A hard day - just when I thought I'd pretty much gotten over it.  It's been in my head since last night when I watched the final of my favourite show, and normally, I'd sit outside and have a couple of smokes in the dark, with a vodka, and think deep and meaningful thoughts about life.  And last night I was kinda, well, what do I do now? 

Worse, I know it's all in my head.  Am taking deep breaths.  Have inhaled 3 dark chocolate timtams.  Have been for walk.  Know it's silly.   Will go do something else now to keep busy.

Gah.

It's SUCH a good idea

to go cold turkey. 

Here's Andy using Champix, as you know, up until Friday night:

ANNNNND

Here's Andy, going Cold Turkey, in full Nicotine Deprivation Mode:

Suffice to say, a cold silence has descended upon our loving home in Timaru. 

I'm still not smoking though - and despite the temptation to go and GET Andy smokes today, just to SNAP HIM FUCKING OUT OF IT - he hasn't either, since Saturday night.

If I can get through this without smothering him with a pillow, not only will I be able to get through ANYTHING without smoking, I'll also likely be awarded some form of medal from like the Sainthood department. 

Two Weeks Smokefree!

For ME at least.  Andy "Cheating Bastard" husband is now on his SECOND smokefree day, and has ditched the champix, and just going cold turkey.  Why?  I have no idea.  I think he's decided it was the Champix who failed, not him, so he's trying something different.

Last night while I "calmly" told him how I was feeling (LOL), I also mentioned his parents were disappointed in him.  "WHHHHHAAATTT??" he roared, "You even told my PARENTS??", and I proudly nodded, and told him next time his boss phones, I'll be telling him too.  That I'd blogged about it, Facebooked, Tweeted and told strangers at the supermarket.   I can't have him walking round all Peacock Puffed Out Chest in nature, "oh, look at ME, I don't SMOKE", when in reality, he's a DIRTY SMOKING CHEATER.    So yes.  I think he's aware of how I feel about it, and he's learned his lesson ;-)

But TWO WEEKS!  $236 (for me only, not calculating HIS anymore) saved!  Can TASTE!  No morning cough! 

Now if only my teeth were getting whiter and my wrinkles disappearing - life would be near perfect!

Quick blog to say

My weak-willed husband SMOKED last night.  FIRST night boozing (he's at the Wellington sevens), and he broke like a cheap toy. 

*eyeroll*

Amanda and I had SEVERAL drinks and did I break?  No I DID NOT.

Men are so clearly the weaker sex.

BLOGGGGGER, what's going ON??

MOTHER FUCKER, just lost entire POST - and then had about 6 attempts copying below and pasting, before it suddenly posted...

Will NOT be re-typing. 

Summary:

• Not Smoking - each day easier
• Andy away in Sevens - will be difficult - tis boozing for first time, and has smokers in his group
• Eating like Pig - have put blankets over all full length mirrors in manner of Post Cosmetic Surgery patient on reality show
• Going to Christchurch for lots of boozing with Amanda
• Have spent all money saved so far ($170 my share) (plus Andy's share) on lovely new dress and hooker high heels.  Am totally getting into this "treating of self" and may end up worse overall financially than when smoking.

The Sun is Shining!

Don't worry - this isn't an evangelical post about a new life commencing because of the joys of not smoking - I'm just bloody stoked because we have a SUNNY DAY!  And of course, I'm still not smoking, which is great - we're on to day 9 of being non-smokers!

Haven't blogged for a couple of days, because the situation remained the same.  Appetite like grizzly bears coming out of hibernation - CHECK, increasing *ahem* moods - CHECK, but inclination to smoke - ZERO.

A couple of new ones cropping up now though - insomnia.  Yeah, I know I've said it hadn't really affected me, but two nights ago, and Murphy's Law, the night Andy had to get up at 3am to go to Sydney on one of his "Day Trips"*, we were both pretty much wide awake when his alarm went off.  Then I lay there listening to him shower and make his ablution noises - not in adoring wife manner, just to clarify, more in repulsed tired manner - and at 4am, I *think* I got to sleep.  Just so I could get an hour and a bit before Holly stormed the bedroom and announced in her dulcet** tones "It's my FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!"... Anyway, remembering my wise friend Karly's advice to TAKE ALL PILLS OF WEEKS 3 - 4, I just took my pill last night at 5pm, and had a normal night's sleep.  Unfortunately for Andy his flight was delayed at he only got home at 5am, so we're all sneaking round as quiet as we can.  Which for the girls, is not so quiet.

And my dreams the last 3 nights have all been the same.  Andy is smoking again  And rather than being jealous, of smoking myself in my dream, I am STOKED!  I feel so righteous, and judgemental - every time I tell him I get an extra $110 a week to buy more clothes.  I hope it's a premonition.  That'd be awesome, hehe.... KIDDING, his health is important, blah blah blah...

Speaking of Andy and smokes, we actually have, in our possession, a carton of smokes.  He bought one back from Sydney for a friend of ours, but it couldn't interest me less.  But surprised to see cartons are still at $56 for 10 packets, so jaysus!  Duty free smokes are a super bargain, compared to the $142 it would cost to buy them in shops.

Ok, dog to drop for his bi-annual grooming, child to drop off for her second day of school, busy BUSY day!

* Andy's "day trips" involve getting up at 3am, driving to Christchurch, flying to Sydney, having a normal day of meetings, before returning home at 3am the following morning.  Without sleeping.  Tis mad - MAD I tell you!

** Holly has the loudest voice in the world.  I refuse to believe any parent who says they have a louder child.  I have barely any hearing left at all!